Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
