Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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