He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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