TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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