Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
