nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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