Will you blow on my dice?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
