garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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