I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
