I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
