Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
