When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
