so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
