Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
