Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
