butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
