It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
