So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
