she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
