you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
