If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
