My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
