arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I did not marry a roomba.
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