Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
