and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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