yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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