If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
