Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
