Duck Duck Cougar?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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