You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
