you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
