Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
