She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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