i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
