i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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