Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
