Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
