ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
