She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
