i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
