So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
