you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
