ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
