He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
