Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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