i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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