Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
