If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
