It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
