I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
